On Staying Inside of Your Self, Outside of Your Self

Its been just under a week since my soles touched down on Colombian soil.

From the Caribbean sun and spirit of Cartagena, to the mysticism and wisdom of the mountains of Minca, this journey is offering both the space to ask the powerful, explorative questions, and empowering the investigation of answers I receive.

Routine queries that previously defined my daily life – what to wear, who to spend time with, what to do – have slipped away and invited my mind to a place of uncomfortable expansion.

For the first time in years, my mind is free to reimagine its destinations. Where does it run to when normal considerations are no longer possibilities? What are my patterns of thinking when there is nothing familiar to direct thoughts to? How does my mind choose to be filled when it’s parameters are being redrawn?

While this shift in breadth is freeing and exciting, it is simultaneously uprooting and disorienting. In disconnecting with cycles of daily thought and action, I have disassociated with the behaviors and motions that create the composite I identify as “Self.”

And so, I’m faced with a dynamic challenge: how to stay inside of myself, outside of daily inclinations, while simultaneously expanding my scope of thinking and overall existence.

A podcast by Tara Brach on the breath as home base got me thinking about what I come home to when everything else is shifting. What do I depend on as my home-base? How do I maintain accountability in this dependence?

My home base is found in rising with the sun, in 20-minutes of morning meditation, and in three pages of subsequent journaling. It is the daily decision to surrender to a higher intelligence, to stay active in sobriety, to trust the process.

Without my home base, I risk sliding away from my self and back into someone I’ve actively grown away from. I rely on my home base to allow me to keep moving forward. And I rely on my home base to move me through this foreign process of exploration and expansion, in faith and familiarity.

And with the home base in mind, this all seems a lot less frightening. And with the home base in mind, I feel grounded, rather than uprooted. And with the home base in mind, I feel secure, even though I’ve never been more uncertain.

Who knows if the next few days will find us stowed away in the mountains or drifting along the coast. Wherever it finds us, I know that my home base will be waiting there for me, too.

And now some snaps from sunny Cartagena –

dsc07538dsc07523dsc07519dsc07545dsc07509dsc07572img_2553

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “On Staying Inside of Your Self, Outside of Your Self

  • Hi!
    Tom shared your blog with me and I am so glad he did.
    As my own big uprooting approaches I haven’t given much thought to what it will feel like to ‘lose’ my routines and their accompanying trails of thought and more importantly what will replace them… It is heart warming and encouraging to read you, thank you for sharing.
    I look forward to reading more and perhaps meeting you one day 🙂
    Love and light,
    Melissa

    Like

    • Thanks for reading, Melissa – It’s always comforting to know that regardless of our reasons for uprooting, we share the same challenges, and many of the same rewards! I certainly hope to connect in the future, and in the meantime, look forward to reading more about your transition!

      Cheers,
      Caitlin

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s